And this is the reason why:
Yes, I changed my mind about moving back to Canada in August of this year.
I actually started seriously thinking about staying in Japan when I found out that I wouldn't have to pay anything for the repairs from my car accident and that my monthly insurances premiums wouldn't go up.
I couldn't/wouldn't say anything about the change in my thinking, though, until I'd spoken with my parents about it. So pretty much the first night that I was back home during the Christmas holidays I asked my parents how they would feel if I wanted to stay for another year.
Being the awesome supportive parents that they are, they encouraged me to make the re-contracting decision for myself, without worrying about them.
Suddenly freed from the "I have to go back to Canada" mindset, I spent the past month or so since that discussion endlessly debating with myself about the matter and soliciting advice from many many friends.
I think that in the back of my mind I knew that I'd pretty much made the decision once I asked my parents for their "permission", but for various reasons (which I won't get into here) I was afraid to change my (October) decision and commit to staying in Japan. (I actually purchased an electric oven--to make baking cookies for my students more time efficient--on Sun. Jan. 24th without even thinking about it, so I guess I'd already subconsciously decided by that point, even though I was still consciously doubting my own judgment.)
And even thought I recognize that I was being a little self-indulgent in playing "the conflicted heroine" for so long, I think I really did need that time to hash everything out in my mind and to make certain that this was what I really wanted to do.
Now that I've made the decision, though, I've also committed to not regretting it, no matter what happens in my fourth year.
As well, I've made a couple of personal resolutions for the rest of my third year and/or the duration of my fourth:
- I will find a church to attend at least once a month, if not every week
- I will try to cook a proper meal at least once a week
- I will call home at least once a month
- I will write the JLPT this year (probably only level 3, though, because I don't want to spend that much time studying)