Post Traumatic Stress?

The mind is a funny thing.

I was driving again mere hours after my accident and have been driving to work, etc. every day since without feeling much more than a need to be extra cautious. Well, naturally in the back of my mind I'm nervous, but that nervousness never manifested physically before. But suddenly today--four days after the accident--I could feel myself getting anxious as I was driving to the office. Guess it was the post traumatic stress belatedly kicking in.

Since I'd been totally fine driving up to then, the anxiety took me completely by surprise. It wasn't a panic attack or anything major like that, but I could feel a tightness in my chest and I was a little nauseated. When I reached the office I actually had to just sit and take deep breaths for a while before I left the car.

Maybe it only hit me today because today I started getting more details about what's going on insurance-wise. Even though I knew about the split liability thing in Japan, I never really thought through the implications too carefully. Split liability (in my case, it seems like it's going to be 80%-20%) means not only am I responsible for a portion of the damage to my car, but I'm also responsible for a portion of the damage to the obaachan's car! (Well, turns out she's not actually all that old--around 58, maybe? But she really looked older. Guess the farming life is very hard on a person... But yeah, I'm going to keep referring to her as "the obaachan" because it's easier.)

And since this is my second accident within the same year, if I get the insurance company to pay for the damages, my monthly premiums will jump up to something like 60,000 yen (over $600!) per month!!

I'm trying to stay positive about everything, but really, I can't help but feel that it really sucks that I'm going to end up paying so much--either out of pocket for repair costs or over the long term in insurance costs--because I had the misfortune of getting hit by someone else. But since I can't change the past, there's no point in bemoaning my "luck"--all I can do is try to stay positive as I deal with the consequences as they arise.

On the brighter side, the obaachan's insurance will cover all of my health/medical costs--even compensation for fuel costs for going to the hospital!--so that's one less thing for me to worry about. Even though I was able to walk away from the accident without showing any signs of obvious injury, I have been noticing extra stiffness/pain in my neck and shoulders, and I've been having low grade headaches of some duration/frequency for the past few days. So yeah, I decided to play it safe and went to a clinic today.


Which reminds me of another thing I'm really thankful for: an awesome supervisor and office!! Particularly since the accident occurred outside of working hours, it would totally be within my office's rights to expect me to use my paid holiday days (nenkyu) to go to the doctor. And my supervisor didn't have to make the time to come to the clinic with me this morning, either, but she did. I know she's also spent a ridiculous amount of time on the phone with the insurance companies, and running around various places to file paperwork....

Plus on Tuesday (the day after the accident) I finished my school visit after lunch, so normally I'm supposed to go to the office for the rest of the afternoon, but since I wasn't feeling so great--mostly I felt mentally fatigued--they let me go home after school instead. So yeah, my supervisor/office have really done a lot to make this a lot less of an ordeal than it could be.

But back to the health/"post traumatic stress" stuff...

Since I went to the doctor today I had to submit papers from the insurance company (?) dealing with the medical stuff to the police. Well, actually Mukainakano-sensei took them in this evening and I got a call from her around 6:15pm because it turned out I needed to give a statement in order for the police to be able to accept the form.

The statement covered the basic details of what happened--time, my speed, where I was coming from and going at the time--as well as things I thought I could've done to prevent the accident (slowed down more before entering the intersection). It also clarified when I started feeling pain (the morning after the accident) and why I waited so long before going to the doctor (I was busy at school and didn't want to take time off to go!).

The interesting part was that they also asked me if I wanted the obaachan to have a heavy penalty/fine since the accident was "upgraded" from a mere vehicular accident to a vehicular accident with injuries. I wasn't really seriously injured, so of course I said there was no need for a heavy fine, but I'd like to think that I wouldn't be out to "punish" the obaachan even if I'd been injured worse. I mean, it wasn't like she was drag racing or driving under the influence or anything--it was just an accident. Maybe it could've been avoided if she'd entered the intersection more cautiously, but the same could be said for me--although I believe the onus for extra caution was on her since she was facing a stop sign. And it's not like having her pay a big fine would do anything to help my situation at all.

But yeah, I really hope everything--car repair stuff, insurance, health stuff--gets settled soon.

I've even suffered a loss of appetite since the accident. I eat because I know I should, but I don't really feel like I'm actually hungry anymore. Or, if I do feel hungry, once I start eating I feel full very quickly. As I result, I've been eating even less than usual for dinners--maybe just an apple and/or some yogurt. (Well, last night I had the bread from school lunch that I couldn't eat at the time, but that was because it was there rather than out of hunger.) But I'm pretty sure it's just a "post traumatic stress" thing and not a physical problem. Hopefully once everything is settled I'll also be able to settle down more mentally/emotionally and get back to normal.

*sigh* I really hope that I'm OK driving through Oirase Gorge to Lake Towada on Sunday. But I'm down to my last 9 months in Japan, so I'm not going to let even something like a car accident stop me from seeing the famed autumn foliage! I'm going to sleep early Saturday night and get up early to avoid the crowds, so I think it should be OK... Maybe I should have asked someone to come with me, but I'll do my best to get over my driving jitters on my own.

Driving jitters

As might be expected after a fairly serious car accident, I'm a little nervous about driving now--more so now than after my accident in January. With that accident at least I knew exactly what happened and I knew that it was my own carelessness/stupidity that caused the accident. It made me slow down and drive more cautiously--particularly in poor weather/road conditions, but that was about it.

With this accident, though, I now feel nervous about being on the road with other drivers (which is most of the time). In the back of my mind I keep wondering if they're fully in control, if they see me, if they're going to stop where they're supposed to, etc. etc. It's pretty tiring, mentally.

But I really want to go to Oirase Gorge/Lake Towada to see the autumn leaves this weekend so I'm going to have to suck it up and get over it. (It needs to be this weekend in particular since next weekend I'll be too busy to go, plus Aaron told me the leaves have already mostly changed colour, so if I wait too much longer it might be too late!) Of course the road will probably be packed, so I'm extra nervous about that.

Right now my plan is to try to go early Sunday morning--like 5:30-6:00am so that hopefully it won't be as crowded--of course, with my "luck" everyone else will probably have the same idea.... At the very least, though, I hope I can avoid some of the buses. *sigh* I'm tempted to ask people if they want to come with (in the hopes that they'll offer to do the driving for me) but I'd feel bad inviting people knowing that was partly my motivation.

So yeah, barring any unforeseen circumstances, I should hopefully have some nice fall foliage photos to post by the end of this weekend!

Oh, and I learned today that I misjudged the old lady. Apparently when she was insisting on getting the car repaired, she was actually saying that she would pay for all the repairs--so it wasn't like she was trying to find the cheapest way out of the situation, which is what I thought at the time. Even though I still think her attitude/behaviour was pretty abrupt, at least now I feel like she recognized that she was in the wrong and sincerely wanted to make amends. It doesn't change the situation at all--I'm pretty sure her insurance company will convince her to take only 80-90% of the blame/cost, rather than 100%--but knowing that the offer was made does make me feel better about things.

Second scariest event of my life

I had a couple of drafts for posts on other topics in the works, but they all got trumped by this most recent event.

So Monday (October 19th) I had a day off because I "worked" all day at the Kirita School Festival (which was awesome, by the way!) on the Sunday (October 18th). The day got off to a great start. I woke up around 8am, did some laundry, ate a giant cream puff (a kind of "thanks for your hard work" present for all the teachers after the Kirita School Festival) for breakfast, and did a bit of tidying up around the house.

Around 12:00-12:30pm I decided to go shopping! I completely killed my budget at Uniqlo and did a bit of grocery shopping at Max Value as well. Since I bought pants that needed alterations, I was at the Uniqlo until just before 2:30pm.

From the Uniqlo I decided to go to another grocery store, Powers U, as well as the next door Daiso (100 yen shop). I took a sort of back road that I always take and...

As I was going through an intersection, I saw a flash of white out of the corner of my left eye and heard a horn blaring. I tried to swerve and speed up to avoid a collision, but the car hit the rear passenger side of my car, sending my car sliding/spinning. Because K-cars are really light, it ended up toppling over and finally slid to a stop when it hit a telephone/electricity pole and a short garden wall or something of a house at the corner of the intersection.

Even though I ended up lying against the driver's side window (i.e. against/parallel to the ground), I was basically OK. In fact, the first thing that I said (other than "I'm all right") was "I didn't have a stop sign, right?" Funny how my biggest concern at the moment wasn't being injured, but the possibility that I had been at fault in the accident.

But I did feel a moment's panic when I realized that I couldn't open the passenger side door to climb out from the top. Thankfully, though, 4-5 guys from around the area came out and were able to push my car back upright, so I could get out through the driver's side door.

I guess it all must've looked pretty bad because someone called an ambulance instead of just the police, but when they arrived I was like "I was in the car that was hit, but I'm OK." The paramedics asked me some questions, got me to sign a form saying that I had decided not to go to the hospital and that was that.

Oh, at one point the old lady who had hit my car with her k-truck had come to where my car was and all of sudden she fell to her knees and was holding her head in her hands. The paramedics were all like "Are you OK?" And she was like "It was scary." I know it's uncharitable of me, but at the time I was thinking "Shouldn't I be the one saying that? You're not the one whose car went spinning and flipped over!"

Fire department people also came along with the ambulance. They mopped up the oil/radiator fluid/whatever it was that was leaking from my car, unplugged the battery to stop the engine (the key was jammed so I couldn't just do it the usual way), and picked up some of the larger pieces of debris from my car.

While this was going on, I was calling my office to get in touch with my supervisor. Everyone was out at an elementary school, so one of the office staff, Tomabechi-san, called the school to get in touch with Mukainakano-sensei for me. Thankfully she was able to come because dealing with a multi-car accident is a heck load more complicated than a single-car one. I also remembered to call my dance teacher to cancel the practice I had scheduled for 6pm that night.

Then it was a lot of waiting for the police. By the time they came, most of the people had cleared out. They took my statement, asked me to show them at what point I noticed the other car, where I heard the horn, etc. etc. It was a lot harder to give accurate details this time because it happened so quickly. Plus there were a lot of old skid marks on the road--suggesting that it was a pretty dangerous intersection that has probably had it's fair share of accidents and close misses--so the police officers had a bit of difficulty figuring out which ones were related to this accident and which weren't.

While one officer was taking my statement, another one was taking the old lady's. A couple of times she came over to me and was like "I did stop, right?" And both I and the police officer(s) were like "Well, if you did, I couldn't tell."

The one thing I'm a bit worried about my statement is my speed. The speed limit was 40 but when the officer asked, at first I automatically said I was going 50km. He was like "I don't think you were going that fast." And I was like, "Oh, somewhere between 40 and 50, then? I tried to speed up when I saw the other car coming." With the Japanese liability system, the only time anyone in a multi-car accident is considered at "no fault" is when that car was parked/stationary. I just hope that my confused statement doesn't cause me to get a larger percentage of the fault--people have said it should probably be 90%-10%.

Speaking of oddities of the Japanese legal/police system, I found it incredibly strange that all of the bystanders were allowed to disappear before the police came. There was another car that had stopped on the right side (the K-truck old lady came at me from the left side) of the intersection, so that person would probably have had the clearest view of what actually happened. And since s/he wasn't directly involved, her/his account would probably have been the most accurate. But I'm pretty sure that person was long gone by the time the police came, so even if they had wanted to take a statement from that person (although I got the feeling it wouldn't have occurred to the police to do so) they couldn't have.

To me it was just really bizarre that people didn't know to/weren't expected to stay at the scene of the accident. I mean, in Canada it's a chargeable offense to leave the scene of an accident (even if you weren't involved in it) without leaving your information so you can be contact later if necessary!

The other thing that really bugged me (more so now than at the time) was the old lady's behaviour. I know I should cut her some slack because she was old and probably a bit panicked from the accident, but still... I don't remember if she even asked me if I was all right (although lots of other bystanders did). The first thing she came up to me to say was to ask me to make a call to her insurance company or something. (I couldn't understand what she was saying at all at the time, but she made the same request to Mukainakano-sensei when she came, so I'm guessing that's what it was about.) To me it seemed like her biggest concern was insurance and how much of the liability for the accident she would be assessed with. And after Mukainakano-sensei had made calls to her insurance company, husband, etc. for her, she was just like "Can I leave now?"

Maybe her attitude would have been different if I hadn't looked so healthy/unaffected by the accident, but I know that if I hit another car--even if it was nothing more than a light tap on the rear bumper--the first words out of my mouth would've been "Are you all right? I am SO sorry!"

And I mean, I really could have been seriously injured. Granted, both of the cars were K-cars so I suspect that neither of us was going that fast (although it felt to me like the old lady was), but still, with my car toppling over the way it did,I feel like it was really thanks to God's protection that I wasn't hurt.

She was also insistent that I get the car repaired (instead of having to get a new one). But it's not like that would be a decision I could make on the spot, right? Mukainakano-sensei kept having to tell her that was something that would be decided after discussion with my insurance company.Then too, she really wanted Mukainakano-sensei to get my car towed to a repair place that she knew to get the insurance quote done.

But I was like, isn't that kind of shady? Wouldn't it make more sense to go through the Honda dealership where I got the car? And when Mukainakano-sensei called the Honda dealer I got the car from, Komukai-san, he also said it was more normal to go to a place that I knew rather than following the wishes of the person who hit my car.

Argh. Just thinking about the attitude of that old lady still gets me riled up. Her husband, at least, was much more sensible to deal with. When he came the first thing he did was apologize for the trouble.

But anyway, there are a lot of things I'm really grateful for regarding the accident. First and foremost I feel really blessed to have been able to walk away from the accident without even a bruise (and I bruise easily!). Admittedly I'm a bit sore and have felt like I've had a low-grade headache all day today, but it's about the same severity as the soreness you feel after working out for the first time in a while. And given the way my car toppled over, it really could have been a lot worse.


I'm also thankful that I got my car from Komukai-san at the Honda dealership. The dealership had it's own tow truck, so I didn't even have to deal with calling JAF. Plus they brought a daisha (substitute car) for me at the same time so I could drive again right away. (The Netz people were nice, too, but I've spent some time talking with Komukai-san--when I was buying the car, getting my tires changed, etc. etc., so I feel extra reassured knowing that he's taking care of everything on that end.)

I'm thankful that Mukainakano-sensei was able to leave to come to help me. The first accident I had was pretty straightforward, but having another party involved just made it so much more complicated. I could deal with the police on my own, but handling that old lady was well beyond me.

I'm also really grateful that not only did Mukainakano-sensei come out to the scene of the accident, but that Aaron also came. After getting a bit emotionally battered by the apparent callousness of the old lady, it was really a relief to have someone there to offer sympathy and support. He also invited me to have dinner with him and Sanae and I was really glad to be in the company of friends last night. (The dinner was delicious, too!) If I'd stayed home by myself, I probably would've just kept dwelling on the accident.

Even though I know the old lady was mostly at fault for the accident, I'm a bit of a control freak so I can't help but wonder what I could have/should have done to avoid the accident. I suppose if I'd been driving super cautiously--instead of regularly--I might've seen her in time to stop, but then again...


But anyway, I've realized a few things from this accident:

1) My mind tends to latch onto minor/inconsequential things as a way to avoid dwelling on bigger things. Some of the thoughts that went through my mind during the immediate (and not so immediate) aftermath of the accident:

- I'm glad I didn't get a car wash as planned this morning. It would've been a big waste of money.
- Luckily I decided to wait to buy eggs at Powers U instead of at Max Value; they would've broken during the accident anyway.
- I wish I had brought my camera with me so I wouldn't have to rely on my cell phone to for a photographic record of this event.
- This was the worst possible timing insurance-wise. (My contracts go from Oct-Sep so the new premiums might come into effect immediately if there's an increase.)
- Thankfully this happened just before payday so I won't be strapped for cash if I end up needing to pay for stuff out of pocket.
- It's going to be embarrassing going to the Eneos (I always get my gas at the same gas station) because they'll probably ask about the change in car and I'll "have to" tell them that I was in yet another accident.
- Ditto for explaining the situation to the Kirita teachers.

2) In his reply to the email I sent to a few friends back home informing them about the accident, Alan wrote: "I find it strange and intriguing that you are finding blessings out of so much calamity!" Apparently I'm more optimistic than I thought. I've always believed myself to be a "worst-case scenario", "glass is half-empty" kind of thinker, but that's usually so I can be prepared for the worst. Once "the worst" has actually happened, I guess I try to look on the bright side of things rather than bemoaning my fate or dwelling too much on "If only's."

3) Apart from being more ecologically friendly, riding and bike and walking to places has the additional benefit of being a lot less trouble in the case of an accident-like if I wipe out on my bike or slip while walking, chances are the damage won't be too severe, and I won't have to go through reams of paperwork afterward. I really need to make more of an effort to walk/bike to places that are close by. ^^;;

4) I did learn something very practical from my last accident: make sure to empty out the contents of your car before it gets towed away! I had all of my "indoor shoes," some CDs, maps, and a bunch of random things in the car, so luckily I also had a Jusco shopping basket in the trunk to stick everything into! =P


5) Japanese old ladies (obaachan) scare intimidate the heck out of me. @_@;;

Nate comes to Towada!!

My big brother finally visited me in Japan! ^__^ His plane arrived on time, just ahead of the typhoon (apparently it was a bit turblulent, but that's all) and I was able to pick him up no problem from Misawa Station on Wednesday, October 7. We dropped by Mini-Stop to pick up dinner and then it was back to my place to sleep!

Then we went to Kirita JHS on Thursday (Oct. 8). Due to the oncoming typhoon, afternoon classes were canceled and the schedule was changed. We were supposed to have classes with each grade (1st, 2nd & 3rd) but the class with the 3rd years was canceled for gasshou renshuu (chorus practice--i.e. all the students singing together for the school festival). But the 1st and 2nd year classes were great. At first they were hesitant to ask questions, but once they found out that my brother likes and knows games/anime, they asked a bunch of questions.

The 1st years in particular asked some interesting questions, like:

- "Do you like [your] sister?"
- "Is H--- (one of the male students in the class) handsome?"

^____^ And I later learned from Sasaki-sensei (their homeroom teacher) that many of the (1st year) students had written about how cool they thought my brother was (because he likes anime and has lots of different game systems--Wii, PS3, DS, etc.). =P

He ate school lunch with me and the 3rd years (unfortunately it was a white stew and he's slightly lactose intolerant) and even got to see what our daily cleaning time is like. After the students had left, there was a teachers' meeting where they presented him with a gift (Tsugaru lacquer chopsticks, and cloth made from a local plant with a horse design) and asked him to talk about his experience at the school. Unfortunately I did a poor job of translating what he said (I'm fine in normal conversation, but when I'm put on the spot I get nervous and forget all my Japanese), but hopefully they could get at least the gist of what he said. ^^;;

Oh, and interestingly enough, more than one person at Kirita mentioned that they thought Nathan and I actually looked alike. I know that our way of speaking is pretty similar, but that was probably the first time anyone has ever commented on a physical resemblance! 

After school, we went to the JTB (the travel agency I always use) to get train tickets for Nathan's travels to Kyoto, Hiroshima, and Tokyo (again). Then we went to Towada Jusco where we had takoyaki at Gindako and bought snacks for the trip. By the time we left the Jusco, the wind and rain had gotten pretty strong and even just getting to the car we got pretty wet.

We were supposed to go to the Towadako(-machi) Community Center to see a taiko practice that evening, but after checking with a friend from taiko, I learned that the practice had been canceled. So Nate checked email and looked up various things online while I took a rare nap. Then when I woke up, we decided to watch Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence. This time, Nate was the one who passed out (during the movie). While he was sleeping I printed out maps to places I wanted to visit in Tokyo, and when he woke up we went for dinner.

Before he came I had gotten a bunch of ideas for good places to eat from my friend, Hide-san, but that night we were so tired and the weather was so miserable we decided to just go for fast and cheap food. So we ended up at Marumatsu. At least he found the call button (push for service) on the table interesting.

The next day (Friday, October 9) I taught the first 3 periods at Kitazono ES then went home. (Nate didn't come to the school with me, this time.) We had lunch at Oirase Soba (across from my office) and then drove through Oirase Gorge to Lake Towada. Even though the weather was kind of gray and occasionally rainy, the scenery of the Gorge/Lake never fails to impress me. I was aiming to be at the office around 5pm, but we finished at the Lake kind of early, so we took a small detour to the Former Kasaishi Residence (designated a "National Important Cultural Property" in 1967). It (along with the Towada Museum of History & Folklore) was already closed, so we just took pictures from the outside.

Then we headed to the office where Nathan was able to meet the Kyoikucho (Superintendent of the Board of Education) and all of the teachers in my section. When I took him down to see the first floor (unfortunately everyone had already left for the day), apparently someone from the other section made a comment/inquiry about my "cool boyfriend" to my supervisor! @_@ Of course, she immediately corrected them and explained that he was my brother. But I was really surprised to hear that someone had thought that! I mean, why would I bring a boyfriend to the office for introductions? Moreover, Nathan can--like me--easily be mistaken for a Japanese person, so it that would make it even stranger for me to bring him with me to the office!

But yeah, after that we went to Sakagami's drinking house. We always start at 6pm, so I assumed we would start at the same time, but apparently that day we were actually supposed to meet at 6:30pm! (I hadn't paid much attention to the email Aaron sent.) But it ended up working out OK. I was able to follow his sister back to her house so she could drop her car off and get a ride back with me. Plus Nate helped to get the fire going, so it was a learning experience as well as an eating one. =P As always it was a lot of food and good fun.

The next morning (Saturday, October 10) we were up early to catch 5:50am local Towada train to Misawa, and that was the end of Nate's visit to Towada.

Oh, and in case you missed it in the earlier post, here's the link to my Facebook album for Nate's visit to Japan! http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=327284&id=655150561&l=8b818452d4